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My husband doesn’t imagine in women’ journeys – New York Each day Information

Pricey Amy: I’m a married girl in my mid-60s, now-retired.

My sister (who’s divorced) invited me on a “lady’s journey” to hike the Scottish Highlands.

We stay on reverse coasts and don’t see one another typically.

Once I informed my husband in regards to the journey, he gave me main pushback. A few of his objections are:

1. I might be spending our cash on a trip only for myself. (We aren’t wealthy, however this might be inexpensive.)

2. As a married girl, I ought to be reserving my travels for my husband, not with single girls.

3. It will solely result in different journeys with out him.

4. He doesn’t “imagine” in women’ journeys.

My husband could be very controlling. He would positively make my life depressing if I accepted this invitation, so I turned it down, since I’ve to stay with him.

However what’s extra upsetting is that as an alternative of being glad for me for getting a chance to do one thing enjoyable and enriching, he’s resentful and obstructionist.

He did say that he’ll solely agree if he comes alongside, although he has by no means needed to do a visit like this!

Am I in want of counseling? We’ve got been married for 30 years and have had our ups and downs.

I’d love to listen to your take.

– Caught Sister

Pricey Caught: “Ladies’ journeys” and “guys’ journeys” are usually not articles of religion that an individual must “imagine in.” These sojourns, which vary from easy afternoon hikes or rounds of golf to abroad excursions (like your sister’s) might be emotional ports of name for individuals, offering a technique to reconnect with members of the family or buddies with out the stress of performing for – or entertaining – spouses, companions, or kids.

And – huge bonus – many individuals return from these journeys renewed and really glad to see their companions.

Many happily-together {couples} go away house for each other to take occasional journeys like this, budgeting their funds accordingly.

It’s ironic that your husband is insisting to go along with you, all whereas he’s demonstrating that he’s in all probability the final particular person you’d wish to go anyplace with.

I might say that he’s right on this one regard: Sure, this can result in you taking different journeys with out him – in your case, into the workplace of a counselor and/or a lawyer.

This episode has revealed your husband’s deep insecurity, expressed in his effort to repress, manipulate and management you.

Pricey Amy: Greater than 10 years in the past I left an emotionally abusive relationship.

On the way in which out, he threatened my life and took a number of thousand {dollars} from me as “fee” for the emotional turmoil he mentioned I’d prompted him, and as an assurance that he would by no means contact me once more.

True to his phrase, I’ve managed to keep away from him for the higher a part of 12 years, till the previous few months when he has begun to simply accept invites from a mutual pal with whom I’ve held an in depth relationship all through this time.

The pal is conscious of our previous relationship, however not the circumstances.

Attributable to embarrassment for permitting myself to have been handled so poorly, I’ve informed nearly nobody the small print.

Now I’m torn whether or not to inform the mutual pal that I can’t attend group occasions with this particular person. I don’t wish to hand over the friendship, or dictate who another person might invite to their very own residence, however I can’t abdomen being within the presence of this abuser. Ought to I say one thing?

– Torn

Pricey Torn: Sure, you must say one thing – to the police. Theft/extortion is a really critical crime. And in the event you two made a tacit “no contact” deal, isn’t he near violating it by inching nearer to your social circle?

By way of your mutual pal, you must make it clear that you’ll not be in the identical room together with your ex. Ask to be informed if he’s included in an invite.

Pricey Amy: I used to be extraordinarily disenchanted in your reply to “Leech BFF,” who talked about sharing her streaming password together with her “mooching” pal.

That is stealing!

– Disenchanted

Pricey Disenchanted: Scores of readers objected to the truth that I uncared for to label this as theft.

And though that is true, it’s so extensively completed that streaming providers at the moment are cracking down on this kind of “sharing.”

In accordance with information accounts, beginning subsequent 12 months, Netflix will now solely permit one “residence” per account, and extra houses might want to pay further to make use of the identical account.

(You possibly can electronic mail Amy Dickinson at or ship a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Field 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You too can comply with her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)

©2022 Amy Dickinson.

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