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Learn “Put up-Nihilism,” a Queer Romance in a Local weather Apocalypse


The first storm of the season produces a rainbow behind wind turbines in the San Gorgonio Pass November 9, 2002 near Palm Springs, California.

Picture: David McNew (Getty Pictures)

Now for one thing a bit totally different to distract you this Thanksgiving. io9 has run brief fiction earlier than, from our collaborations with Lightspeed Magazine to excerpts from novels big and small. However right here’s “Put up-Nihilism,” an unique story of affection and hope in a near-future world ravaged by local weather catastrophe, from Gizmodo’s personal Blake Montgomery. Get pleasure from! – James Whitbrook, Deputy Editor


Professor Francis Jude arrived from Oregon on the Golden Fields Tower flustered, winded, alone. His prepare had been delayed. He ran to the category he was purported to be educating.

Late, he stood in a semicircular lecture corridor earlier than three dozen college students. He was overdressed in a tie and tight blazer of radiant orange. His college students wore impartial tones: loose-fitting jumpsuits of beige, brown, blue, and grey, checkered with broad pockets. His lengthy arms, although thick and powerful, appeared gaunt and gangly as they prolonged too far out of his orange and blue sleeves. Sweat ran down his angular face. His gold glasses fogged underneath his untrimmed brown hair.

He shuffled via his papers at his desk. Out of breath, he mentioned, “I apologize for my tardiness. Welcome to Historic Philosophy. As I’m certain you learn within the course description, our class will delve into philosophical actions whereas additionally learning contemporaneous occasions and societal shifts.

“We are going to start by discussing Put up-Nihilism, one of many least-known mental undercurrents of the century main as much as 2200, however, I might argue, some of the important and most carefully tied to historical past.

“The primary examples of what students would later name Put up-Nihilism had been memoirs documenting the authors’ personal particular person experiences, an unusual starting for a philosophical motion. These authors had been actively and intently suicidal as they noticed the deteriorating state of the pure world, however all of them emerged alive from their extreme battles with melancholy and went on to chronicle their experiences. As Benedict Dymphna wrote—”

A pupil within the entrance row raised her hand.

“Sure?” requested professor Jude.

“I’m sorry professor, however I feel we’re out of time. I’ve to get to my subsequent lecture.”

“Ah, in fact. We are going to choose up on the identical subject when class reconvenes.”

The classroom emptied, and professor Francis Jude sat, breathless and alone.


Francis screwed up the braveness to eat dinner on the tower cafeteria, which was open to all each night time. He had not but stocked his fridge, and although the town within the wind turbine supplied a number of eating places, he thought his possibilities of assembly new associates higher at an extended desk. He signed up for pasta and sat among the many different residents. He had forgotten to vary into the olive-green jumpsuit issued to him and nonetheless sported his fluorescent outfit.

The gargantuan white wind windmill hovering above the flaxen Oakland hills contained a whole group: flats, faculties, eating places, a hospital, grocery shops, pharmacies, retailers, nightclubs, libraries, a metropolis corridor, municipal businesses, utilities, recreation facilities, companies, a college, and extra. At its base, parks and farms, the one locales of life that now required sprawling horizontal actual property, occupied a restricted circle. Its huge blades thrummed previous home windows in any respect hours. The city in a tube drew its energy from the broad circuits of the windmill, which cranked three huge mills in its cranium.

Dozens of mammoth city-cum-turbines like Golden Fields Tower pocked the panorama, and every rested inside its personal 25-mile radius, permitting a large and undeveloped inexperienced divide to stretch between. The framework arose from a inflexible lattice of legal guidelines dictating metropolis construction. Rails related them just like the roots of aspens. The home windows of a prepare automotive would provide passing views of the parched and charred hulls of previous metropolises.

Although the dinner seating order was assigned—every factor and every individual within the compact metropolis had their precise locations and appointed occasions—the chair throughout from Francis remained empty because the desk stuffed.

“It’s Maximilian. He’s usually neither right here nor there,” mentioned the younger lady sitting subsequent to Francis via a mouthful of noodles. The brown profusion of curlicues on her head bounced as she chewed and spoke, not dissimilar from the pasta on her plate. She wore a tan jumpsuit. Francis caught the aroma of the astringent sauce via his hooked nostril. She continued, “In case you don’t inform the quartermasters the place you’re consuming, they signal you up for the cafeteria by default. Maxi by no means goes to eating places, however he doesn’t usually present up right here both.”

“I’ve seen him stumbling across the hallways getting back from the turbine,” mentioned a person in a close-by chair. He wore jumpsuit the darkish brown of tree bark. In a hissing whisper, he mentioned, “It’s Magentol.”

“Actually?” mentioned the girl.

“Magentol?” requested Francis.

“The turbine lubricant that makes you hallucinate such as you’re in a mushy dream. Makes you crazy and talkative. Makes your physique really feel prefer it’s calm and glowing. Finest you’ve ever felt. Addictive as something. Certainly folks used it in your tower. It’s all over the place,” the person replied.

“Ah. In my previous residence we merely known as it Grease,” mentioned Francis. “And its devotees ‘Grease monkeys.’”

The person mentioned, “We name them that, too, however watch out. These phrases will get you right into a battle. It’s extra like a slur right here.”

“I’ve by no means seen it in individual. I heard it does horrible issues to you,” whispered the girl.

“That’s true,” mentioned Francis. “My tower was evacuated as a result of a quickly spreading pathogen, however those that had already been contaminated had been compelled to remain. The quarantined residents usually turned to Grease. Their arms and toes calcified, not in contrast to sclerosis. It was very unhappy and painful for individuals who needed to stay and those that needed to go away them behind.”

“What occurred to them?” requested the girl.

“They’re nonetheless there. Most succumbed to the mania of Grease overdoses and killed themselves,” mentioned Francis. “The despair at their circumstances drove them additional into their addictions.”


Francis returned to his condominium to search out that the plumbing beneath his lavatory sink, unsupervised and rambunctious, had boiled over in his absence. Although the water had receded, a skinny brown residue remained. He discarded his educating garments in favor of a sleeveless shirt and tried to wash it away with the skinny bandana he had introduced with him. The anemic cloth failed him, and he grew annoyed once more with how little the authorities had allowed him to convey with him from his residence. His condominium had solely a mattress and one chair. With a sigh and an exclamation of disgust audible two models over, he left for the communal cleansing provide closet.

Inside the massive storeroom, Maximilian Kolbe slumped in opposition to a darkish wall in a ragged posture. His head swayed to a wild, invisible tango as he drank from a hefty, conspicuous flask. His shaggy blonde hair glinted even in gloom. The telltale liquid merriment sheened his smiling lips a reddish purple.

Francis heard Maximilian’s gulps as he entered. The saccharine scent of Magentol stuffed his nostril—cleaning soap and rotting fruit. “Howdy? Is somebody in right here?” he requested. He flipped the sunshine swap and introduced down jarring fluorescent beams.

“Piss off. And switch that off,” mentioned Maximilian.

Francis didn’t know the place the provides he wanted had been shelved. He flicked the swap down in hopes of currying favor.

“The place would I discover disinfectant and sponges?” he requested.

“I’m a repairman in work hours, however I’m off now. I’m not a janitor at any time”—right here Maximilian slurred—“Good luck discovering a cleansing closet librarian.”

“Why are you in right here?” requested Francis.

“As a result of not many individuals are available right here. Once they do, they’re out and in. Nobody involves a cleansing closet for a leisurely keep, so nobody bothers me,” mentioned Maximilian.

“Your condominium is non-public, too,” answered Francis.

“That’s true, however in some way it feels extra unhappy to drink there alone than do it in right here, and the golf equipment are closed. I’m older than you, I feel, and I keep in mind after I might drink in my very own rattling yard, whether or not I used to be alone or with my associates,” Maximilian mentioned.

“Have been you the empty seat at dinner yesterday?” Francis requested.

“Good guess, glasses.”

“My title is Francis Jude.”

“I don’t care,” Maximilian mentioned as he took a deep draught. Shiny liquid dribbled via his thick beard and splattered on his chest. The drink gleamed like neon blood. “These items kills my urge for food. One benefit of it. You might be youthful than I’m, however I’ve nonetheless received the physique I had a decade in the past.”

At Maximilian’s comment, Francis observed the unzipped crag within the different man’s jumpsuit, black within the mild of the dim alcove, that opened to the underwear at his waist. The wiry muscle tissues had been certainly there. Francis stirred.

He requested, “What’s it you’re consuming?”

“Come on, you realize. I’m certain folks chugged the turbine cleansing fluid in your previous tower, too. Need any?” requested Maximilian.

“You name it Magentol right here, I hear? Why do you’re taking it?” Francis sat on a creaking crate. He didn’t suppose he would ever be taught the place the provides had been, although as his eyes adjusted, he loved Maximilian increasingly more. He might make out the power of the repairman’s jawline and neck, the veins that led into the bushy chest.

“I’ve received an limitless provide of it as a turbine repairman. And since we’ll destroy the entire world sometime, identical to we nearly did earlier than. We’ll end the job. I’ll be finished with it then. Or perhaps I’ll be finished with life. However whereas I’m right here on earth, I like to listen to music, to bop… ‘Backward and forward within the seven chambers, there stalked, in actual fact, a mess of goals, and these, the goals, writhed in and about, taking hue from the rooms, and inflicting the wild music of the orchestra to appear as an echo to their steps…’”

“Poe. ‘The Masque of the Crimson Demise,’” mentioned Francis.

“Proper on the cash there, Dr. Brains. That’s one of the best description of what this red-pink mess appears like. Nothing past me and the occasion. What I see is totally different each time, one thing like one other line from that story: ‘There have been a lot of the gorgeous, a lot of the wanton, a lot of the weird, one thing of the horrible, and never just a little of that which could have excited disgust.’ It’s a ball for one.”

“Do you dance your self?” requested Francis.

“I’m dancing, can’t you see?” replied Maximilian.

“You might be sitting.”

“That’s the place you’re unsuitable,” mentioned Maximilian. “Proper now I’m two-stepping down the road with fairly a number of good-looking cowboys.”

“That does sound pretty,” mentioned Francis.

“You is likely to be the primary individual to say so. Everybody else tries to scurry away after they see what I’m sipping,” mentioned Maximilian. “You certain you don’t need some?”

“No, thanks. However I do love dancing,” mentioned Francis. “I’ve been wanting ahead to your tower’s occasion on Saturday. We didn’t have them in my tower for worry of spreading infections.”

“Yours was the unhealthy one in Oregon?” requested Maximilian.

“Sure. I left earlier than it was declared a pandemic,” Francis mentioned. “Now it’s locked down. It grows much less and fewer doubtless anybody will ever go away or be permitted to return.”

“I’m sorry,” mentioned Maximilian. “That’s a rattling disgrace.”

“Thanks. It has been very troublesome leaving my household and my previous college behind,” mentioned Francis.

“Will you dance with me?” requested Maximilian. “I like how your arms look in that shirt. You appear fairly sturdy.”

“What?”

“I requested when you’d do a dance with me.”

Francis had anticipated to ogle Maximilian from afar. The prospect of touching flustered him. He mentioned, “I, uh, I don’t, uh…”

“Oh, nice, by no means thoughts, professor. The sponges you want are on the second shelf as much as the left.”

“I didn’t imply to offend, I merely, uh, I…” Francis grabbed on the disinfectant and scrubbers. A number of tumbled down round his embarrassed head. He flushed within the darkness as he scooped them up.

“Thanks for serving to me, Mr…?”

“Maxi. Maximilian Mary Kolbe.” The slouching man drank deeply. “Everyone appears to have some plumbing points their first days, and I’ve cleaned up extra of that poop-hued scum I’m certain you’ve received than I care to recollect. See you round.”

Francis, nonetheless blushing, returned to his condominium.


Professor Jude continued his first lecture in his second class. A dozen college students in a semicircle scribbled notes.

“The dominant theme of Put up-Nihilism is ecological devastation. The immolation of the pure world we see throughout us poisoned the writers in opposition to themselves, as they noticed no hope for humanity and due to this fact no hope for themselves as people. The motion’s most well-known practitioner, Benedict Dymphna, coined the phrase ‘The Unworlding’ to explain each his personal deteriorating psychological state and the fraying of the pure world. The time period is the title of his best-known work. Dymphna discovered himself struggling inside crises that mirrored the destruction of the earth round him, psychological breakdowns induced extra by the occasions of the world than the ontological frictions of consciousness, although he was not so circumspect on the time. Considered one of his most well-known vignettes described him going for a similar morning stroll on daily basis however returning residence coated in increasingly more ash than the day earlier than. The darkness of the burning world fairly actually weighed on him and clouded his sight.

“The writers defined their post-depression emotional and psychological state as a synthesis. Theirs was a newfound enthusiasm for all times that acknowledged their earlier despondency. Every rejected the label of ‘optimist’ with vehemence and disdain. One author, assuming the title of the poet Mary Oliver as an homage, described her feelings as ‘tempered, blackened happiness,’ ‘singed sincerity,’ and ‘burnt pleasure.’ Many started to see the phenomenological world in related phrases. One other, Teresa José, was extra blunt, calling her method ‘mutant pragmatism.’ Dymphna popularized bodily metaphors amongst main voices within the motion. The commonest comparisons in his work are to scar tissue or to damaged bones therapeutic. My favorites, although, are his descriptions of eyes: ‘Sight and the sky are blinding after cataracts. How sensible, how blue, how lovely.’

“Lecturers quickly observed the themes of the memoirs and codified them in literary evaluation papers, which gave rise to strident critiques of the philosophy the writers expressed. The brand new worldview had struck a nerve.

“Put up-Nihilism was itself a response to different concepts, the antithesis to a preexisting thesis. The memoirists after which the literary theorists discovered ethics rooted in despair to be chilly consolation within the face of worldwide environmental disaster. The concepts of Existentialism and Absurdism, for instance, proved ineffective when confronted with a literal, international disaster of existence slightly than one rising from inside the self. As Dymphna defiantly wrote, ‘There might be no which means in our world provided that there isn’t any survival.’ He was directly bleak and daring.”


Francis arrived early on the all-tower occasion too early. He dressed within the formal style of his tower—loudly patterned jacket and tie—however as extra residents filtered in, he realized that they wore cleaned variations of the identical muted, informal garments they donned on daily basis.

He approached Maximilian, who wore his similar soiled black work jumpsuit, matte however for the shiny stains left by turbine restore.

“Might I lead you in a dance?” the professor requested.

“Hey there, glasses. So that you’ve received dancing toes now?” requested Maximilian.

“You appear much less indisposed,” mentioned Francis. He hoped the joke didn’t poke too exhausting. He questioned if the tower’s gossiping residents would stare as they joined arms and commenced the steps of the dance.

“And also you appear much less embarrassed,” replied the smirking repairman.

“Each could be true,” mentioned Francis.

“Truthful sufficient. I’ll provide you with one dance, however I’m main,” mentioned Maximilian.

Francis smelled chemical sweetness on the opposite man’s breath. “Are you excessive?”

Maximilian didn’t reply.

“Why do you’re taking it?” requested Francis.

“I informed you, I like to bop,” Maximilian replied.

“However we’ve music right here,” mentioned Francis. “And received’t you lose your legs?”

“Are you aware how ‘The Masque of the Crimson Demise’ ends, professor?”

Goosebumps pricked the again of Francis’ neck. “The friends of the prince die of the plague.”

“Yeah, they do,” mentioned Maximilian.

“The allusion hits considerably near residence, so to talk,” mentioned Francis.

“What? Oh, my god. I’m so sorry, professor. That’s not the place I meant to go.” Maximilian missed a step. Their left toes bumped one another.

Francis sighed. “Then what did you imply?”

“The ebony clock is the one factor left standing, towering over all of the dancers and ticking the time away as everybody falls,” mentioned Maximilian.

“And?”

“And that’s what’s going to occur to us. The windmill will loom over us, white as loss of life. I’m a good bit older than you, I see within the mild. I used to reside in a correct metropolis. These towers could also be an enormous shift from how we lived earlier than, however they don’t actually do something. They’re only a bandage on gangrene. We’re the identical damaging, sicko species as after we almost ended the earth. So may as effectively have a magenta drink when you can, proper?”

Francis kissed him. The professor didn’t wish to reply the cost. Maximilian reciprocated the love.


Two weeks later, professor Jude mentioned, “Good afternoon, college students. We might be persevering with our dialogue of Put up-Nihilism right this moment.”

“The writers we’ve coated are tied to a particular era of Individuals, one which lived in each the nation because it was earlier than The Unworlding, largely uncaring and detached to the pure world’s standing, whilst our surroundings descended into chaos, and as it’s right this moment, way more involved with the worldwide concord of humanity and the earth. Probably the most distinguished and visual instance, in fact, is the reimagining of our cities inside huge windmills.”

Maximilian swaggered into the classroom via the door behind Francis. His heavy boots hit the ground with declarative thuds as he sauntered to the again row.

“College students, that is, uh, that is my boyfriend, Maximilian Kolbe. I didn’t count on him right here right this moment. Welcome.”

Francis’ college students lit up on the prospect of their professor’s private life interfering with their class. Their glee made Francis nervous. Maximilian took no discover, gave a languid wave.

Francis continued, “You see the societal shift in angle most evidently in the way in which our cities are actually structured. In California and the western United States, for example, we reside in densely populated wind generators for 3 major causes: to reduce any use of fossil fuels, to maximise the usage of scarce water sources, and to mitigate fireplace hazard. We initially carried out interstices of 25 miles between every tower in order to permit for restoration from the large rashes of fires that plagued our area. Over time, nevertheless, we found that the ecological recuperation that the spacing permitted benefited human beings in addition to the earth as water and air grew to become cleaner. The mixing of cities into cohesive models, although a bumpy migration, engendered a extra egalitarian understanding and led to extra complete take care of residents general. Although sensitivity in direction of the planet’s local weather could prevail amongst your younger cohort and even amongst a lot of mine, I might advise you to not take it as a right, because it got here at an awesome value.”

“Ha!” Maximilian barked fun within the again row. “Youngsters, let me pose a query to you.”

“Mr. Kolbe, please, I’m not completed with the—”

“Do any of you imagine this junk? That we’ve moved previous what occurred to the world right into a sunnier future the place everybody received’t kill themselves?” he requested.

The scholars, a frozen Greek refrain, didn’t reply.

“Anyone need some Magentol? It’ll make you think about the world isn’t ending. You’ll really feel higher, I promise,” Maximilian requested his rapt, speechless viewers. He pulled a flask from a pocket and guzzled. He leered on the college students, and his enamel glowed pink.

Francis flamed purple. He stood stiff behind his desk. He mentioned, “College students, we’ll end this lecture in subsequent week’s class. Don’t forget the studying task.”

“No, keep! I wish to hear whether or not you imagine humanity has any form of future. I definitely don’t,” mentioned Maximilian.

The scholars didn’t transfer.

Francis swept the papers from his desk in a loud gesture that turned the heads of all the class.

“Depart, now!” he shouted, trembling.

They shuffled forth. Some left their books of their muffled hurry. Maximilian stared at Francis and felt ashamed.

“Why did you come to my class? And why did you do it excessive?” requested Francis. His query echoed via the lecture corridor.

Maximilian didn’t reply. He appeared down.

“Reply my query,” mentioned Francis.

Maximilian didn’t meet his boyfriend’s gaze.

“That is the place I work. I can’t have you ever disrupting my class with drunken rants, embarrassing me, and providing my college students Magentol.”

Maximilian, so gregarious a second earlier than, mentioned nothing as he watched the ground.

“Reply me, you silly Grease monkey!” Francis yelled. “Or are you good for nothing however turning screws and consuming? Did that slime make you mute?”

Maximilian appeared up in awe and ache. Francis noticed, for the primary time, disgust and damage overtake his boyfriend. Maximilian’s face fell once more, this time right into a wounded glare as his shoulders rose in a gesture of safety. The place earlier than there had been a everlasting and assertive thrust of the chin, there was now solely downtrodden, aching rage. He stood and walked to the exit.

“Maxi, wait!”

The repairman didn’t. He slammed the door of the classroom.


Francis returned to his condominium anticipating a tirade from the opposite man. Solely a word met him.

“Don’t name, and don’t ever name me a Grease monkey once more.”

Francis discovered Maximilian sitting alone on the scene of the occasion, now an empty room, swilling and slumping, leaning backward and forward on high of an empty folding desk.

Maximilian didn’t flip to Francis when the latter got here in. He stared out a window on the stars.

“I can’t imagine in that Put up-Nihilism stuff, Francis. This world’s simply as unhealthy and tousled and doomed because it was earlier than,” he mentioned.

“You’ve gotten survived higher disasters than I, Maxi. Do you see no energy or attraction in returning to hope?” Francis requested

“You wouldn’t perceive. What you consider as a brand new day I see because the gradual ending of my life and the world. You don’t know what it was like shifting from a metropolis to no matter this tower is.”

“I left many individuals I beloved behind as effectively,” mentioned Francis.

“You recognize I was married to one of many writers out of your class?” requested Maximilian. “I learn your syllabus one night time when you had been asleep. Benedict Dymphna. My Benny. He’s the one who learn ‘The Masque of the Crimson Demise’ to me. I by no means would’ve picked it alone, however typically, if I glug sufficient of this muck, I hear him saying, ‘All remains to be, and all is silent, save the voice of the clock. The goals are stiff-frozen as they stand.’”

“I didn’t know that,” mentioned Francis.

“I believed everybody had forgotten about him besides me,” mentioned Maximilian. He took one other drink. “I haven’t seen a replica of his e book in years. One which wasn’t mine, anyway. I stored all of them. They’re in a sealed field. I can’t bear to open it, however I can’t bear to throw it out.”

Francis mentioned, “His work could be very a lot alive. He’s the primary Put up-Nihilist I discuss as a result of his descriptions of his undertaking and the goals of his writing seize the motion so effectively.”

Maximilian mentioned, “Are you aware what occurred to him after he stopped writing? After he put down all these killer traces about hope in that e book you train?”

Francis, silent, put his arm round Maximilian.

“He couldn’t stand how a lot the world was altering. He was so depressed, then he wasn’t, then he was once more,” Maximilian mentioned. “He wouldn’t transfer right into a tower with me, wouldn’t surrender our life collectively in Oakland even because it fell aside round us. Lastly, he was compelled to. Our previous condominium constructing burned down, so he got here to my little cubby within the turbine. I used to be already working there. He noticed that I used to be pleased, after which we each had been for some time. That’s when he wrote ‘The Unworlding,’ that little intermission between his despairs. I wish to suppose I used to be his inspiration. He’s the one who gave me the nickname Maxi. I known as him Benny.

“We might drink Magentol collectively. He’s how I received into it, however he would at all times drink extra of it than I might. We didn’t know the way unhealthy it was for you then. It made his moods worse, and he would rant and rage across the tower. It was embarrassing, and now I’m identical to him. He grew to hate it. He would stop and relapse, stop and relapse, at all times so depressed and indignant with himself. I attempted to make him cease consuming… Then at some point I got here residence and he was gone.” Maximilian grew quiet.

Francis knew what got here subsequent. He answered the silence: “He drank a lot he threw himself from the tower.”

Maximilian started to weep. “I’m sorry I ruined your class. I actually made an ass of myself,” he mentioned. “I don’t wish to drink these items, however I can’t cease. I don’t wish to lose my arms. I don’t wish to lose my legs. However I can’t cease. I’ve been so lonely with out Benny.”

His sobbing intensified, and he buried his face in Francis’ shoulder.

“I’m sorry for what I mentioned to you after class, Maxi. It was merciless,” mentioned Francis.

“Do you inform your college students what occurred to him? To Benny?” Maximilian requested into Francis’ shirt.

“I don’t,” mentioned the professor.

Maximilian drew again. “Why not? How will you preserve that from them?”

“Dymphna meant to impart hope on the time he wrote ‘The Unworlding,’ it doesn’t matter what he could have felt or chosen to do afterward. You recognize that. Life could be very lengthy. Hope is important, however likewise is it fragile. We should be taught the story earlier than we be taught why the story will not be the entire fact. If my college students are to know the almighty impulse that powers Put up-Nihilism—and I need them to, I desperately do—Benedict’s work should stand as a beacon. He wrote a few willingness to endure even the tip of the world. His books stay an inspiration, even when his life doesn’t.”

“‘We should hope to reside.’ He would say that to me lots. I didn’t imagine it most days. Typically I did, and people days had been higher than the others,” mentioned Maximilian.

“Precisely,” mentioned Francis.

“I’m glad you realize him,” mentioned Maximilian. “You’re not too jaded to bop, and also you learn, and also you’ve received some hope. Benny would’ve favored you.”

“Will you dance with me, Maxi? And keep right here with me?” requested Francis. He stood to plug in a speaker.

Maximilian put down his bottle and rested his head on Francis’ shoulder. The 2 stepped collectively slowly. Francis led. Maximilian sighed with reduction.


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